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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28343280">Of Hippos and Alligators</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven'>MistyBeethoven</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"Yes, I Really Am This Pathetic!" or "How to Say I Love You with a Story or a Picture" [85]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Moving Day (1987)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BOXES, Ballet, Ben Ali Gator - Freeform, Boxing Day, College, Crushes, Dance of the Hours, Dancers, F/M, Hippopotamus, Hyacinth Hippo - Freeform, Love, Love Stories, Neighbors, New Year's Kiss, New Years, Overweight, Peer Pressure, School, Secrets, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Strippers &amp; Strip Clubs, Stripping, Swan Lake - Freeform, Weight Issues, secret profession</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:54:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,766</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28343280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>COMPLETED! YAY! :D &lt;3</p><p>Following years of having a crush on my next door neighbour Joey, a mover in his father's business and a struggling dancer, I am shocked to discover that he has feelings for me as well.</p><p>After we start dating, and as my boyfriend keeps his night job a secret, I find my insecurities concerning my far from petite body shape growing, culminating in our breaking up after my overhearing his fellow dance students teasing Joey that I am the Hyacinth Hippo to his Ben Ali Gator, a thought which had already occurred to me.</p><p>On New Year's Eve, though, a gang of girls think it would be funny to show me what the extracurricular job of the man I am pining for really is...An act which sets up the possibility for a heartbreaking New Year or one infinitely better than I could ever have hoped for!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joey Picardo &amp; Harry Picardo (Moving Day), Joey Picardo (Moving Day)/Me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"Yes, I Really Am This Pathetic!" or "How to Say I Love You with a Story or a Picture" [85]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Swans vs Hippos Round 1 (Dawn)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I fall in love with my neighbour Joey Picardo.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy Boxing Day Keanu and everyone!</p><p>This is my Boxing Day entry because, errr, it has boxes in it. :/</p><p>For anyone interested, my writing schedule for the rest of 2020 is as follows:</p><p>-Getting this story completed by New Year's. It should be a three chapter deal.</p><p>-Writing a chapter for "NoBody but You."</p><p>-Writing a year in review for this series, featuring next year in preview too.</p><p>Then after that everything falls back into place again and I resume all previous stories, finishing up Tynwald and The Dreaming Reality.</p><p>But end of the year's are always nuts and throw everything off. :/</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I had known Joey most of my life, ever since I was eleven. He and his father ran a moving company and lived next door to my mom, sister and myself when we had first moved in to the cute little bungalow that mom could afford from dad's meager support payments and by selling her paintings. Infact, Joey's dad, a man named Harry Picardo, was the one whom had helped us move in. I liked the short little man with his gruff but likeable manner. I had spent most of my childhood liking grumpy characters, after all, from Grouchy Smurf to Grumpy Dwarf and Care Bear. So while he somewhat intimidated me, I didn't hate him but became instantly fond of him.</p><p>Actually he looked at lot like Nick Adonidas from the Beachcombers, a popular Canadian show I had also watched during my childhood.</p><p>It was his son Joey that actually scared me.</p><p>Being a terribly shy and overweight girl, I had looked at most good looking boys in that mixture of attraction and terror that was usually connected to the workings of the heart or of fast approaching puberty.</p><p>Joey Picardo wasn't much like his father. That wasn't to say that Harry wasn't cute in his own way, it just meant that Joey was handsome in a way that would be undeniable to most people with a pair of well working eyes. Even at sixteen, you knew he would be breaking more hearts than the dishes and fine china he helped to move while working for his dad. He was far taller than the patriarch in his family. His body was strong, his features each perfectly suited for the other: small brown, thoughtful eyes, a nose that was not as large as I usually fancied but which wasn't too small either and a nice pair of lips which knew how to smile just right so that your heart would melt at the sight of it.</p><p>Especially if you earned that smile.</p><p>I had earned it once, with my shyness and for helping him that first day we had met.</p><p>My favorite toy rabbit had fallen out of the box the boy had been moving and I had gone to pick it up. He'd been going to retrieve it at the same time, not being able to see me over the tower of boxes in his hands, something I had been grateful for at the time. Only his hand had clamped over mine and he'd been shocked while I had gasped. The tower had fallen over like a Jenga and Joey had then seen the fat little girl holding the floppy eared, white rabbit close to her like it was protection from the gaze of a sixteen year old boy.</p><p>"That yours?" Joey had asked.</p><p>I had nodded, holding the bunny closer and feeling like I was six and not already over ten.</p><p>"He's cute," the boy had said, placing his hands inside of his pockets. "You didn't have to worry. I wasn't going to leave him behind...my dad would have killed me."</p><p>Too afraid to say anything, I had just stood staring. Joey had kind of shrugged then and started to pick up the boxes and their fallen contents, most of which belonged to me. Feeling guilty, I placed the bunny I had never actually given a name to under my arm and started to help him.</p><p>My new neighbour looked at me and smiled, grateful for the help but well aware that I was too shy for much more than a "Thanks."</p><p>"You're welcome," I replied, earning another smile. This time he averted his head and I think he laughed. I didn't sense mockery in the action, however, just that he thought I was as cute as the bunny toy I was holding.</p><p>I guess, that was the moment I was <em>his</em> really. When I made him smile.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Over the course of the next few years, I became more comfortable with Joey. It was won over time and the more often I was around him. My shyness was gradually worn away, especially as I came to realize that he wasn't going to tease me about my weight, as other boys had done, or make me feel any other negative emotion that I associated with the father I had left behind.</p><p>What did not decrease, however, was my affection for the boy. I grew to love him more and more as we both grew older, him always so many steps ahead of me that I feared I could never properly catch up. I watched as Joey started to date, bringing several girls over to the house he shared with his dad. I didn't enjoy seeing any of them but least especially the ones that showed up more often than the others becoming his "steadies" as I labelled them inside of my head.</p><p>Another thing which I often saw, but which I wasn't meant to, was that Joey wanted to become a dancer.</p><p>I first caught him doing a pirouette in his backyard from the view out of my kitchen window and almost dropped my glass of milk. After that, I caught him doing it more and more.</p><p>He made me promise once that I wouldn't tell when I had found him practicing one Christmas in our basement while helping bring up the Christmas decorations to decorate the tree.</p><p>"Please Erin," Joey had begged, him standing at the bottom of the stairs and me at the top and soon offering his usual statement: "Dad will kill me." He then grabbed a strand of golden tinsel garland and wrapped it around his neck, pretending to hang himself with it.</p><p>"Okay," I said.</p><p>"Thanks," he said in relief.</p><p>I hadn't been going to anyway. That was between him and his dad. I watched, though, as Joey took the garland off from around his neck and thought of my own father.</p><p>"That's the first thing I bought after my parents divorced," I commented, causing Joey to look up at me. "I love gold tinsel and ours was all left...all left back at our old home. But it was always scary going back there with dad and all. So I just bought new stuff so I would have it that first Christmas without him."</p><p>Joey looked slightly awkward following the confession, probably because we didn't really talk about personal things like that when we were together.</p><p>"I guess, most of us have issues with our fathers," he said, climbing the stairs. "But if my dad knows I want to study ballet he'll think I'm gay."</p><p>This made me ask a question that had been plaguing me. "You aren't are you, Joey?"</p><p>I'd been worried about that ever since I'd seen him practicing. While seeing the girls come and go was one thing,  being gay was something else entirely. While being big lessened any chance I had with him, I knew if he was gay that chance would be completely evaporated because I was a girl. He wouldn't want what I had and I'd never be able to change that. </p><p>Joey looked at me strangely, almost as if convincing me of the answer to the question meant as much to him as his father never doubting it. "No, I'm not gay, Erin," he said.</p><p>"Oh good," I said. At first, I felt wonderfully relieved and then I felt very self conscious as I stood on the stairs, a fifteen year old girl with her twenty-year old next door neighbour crush.</p><p>There was no step between us and we seemed very close then. I'd have wished for a sprig of mistletoe but there was none, my family never being a big believer in it. And it was for the best anyway because my tummy suddenly felt very large and he suddenly looked all too handsome standing there, our eyes on the same level almost for the first time since I had known him. He was still looking at me oddly and seemed on the verge of saying something when my mom's voice came from other side of the basement door.</p><p>"Did you find them?"</p><p>"YEAH MOM!," I shouted back.</p><p>"Is anything wrong?"</p><p>"NO," I shouted back.</p><p>"Okay," she replied, unsure.</p><p>"We'd better get upstairs before she comes down here," Joey whispered and I knew what he <em>really</em> meant.</p><p>When we climbed the stairs, Mom was still waiting and as we passed her, I remembered this one time she had invited her friend, my sister's teacher, over for supper. The teacher had brought her latest boyfriend. The guy had spent the meal looking at me in a way that had made me uncomfortable. He'd claimed I used to come over and play in his yard when I had never done anything of the sort. Later when all the adults had been together, he'd still been staring at me, watching me like an animal targets its prey iand I'd been grateful when he had just left, feeling frightened and weird all at once.</p><p>I wondered why it was that sometimes adults would worry over simple things and ignore the real dangers. Joey was safe, he'd never hurt me, but while my mom had seemed oblivious to her friend's creepy boyfriend, she placed all her concern on someone innocent like him.</p><p>Then I realized that even if the older Joey <em>had</em> tried something I wouldn't have considered it only him taking advantage of me but the other way around too.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Watching more girls come and go, seeing Joey always practicing his dancing in secret, I kept dreaming of the day when maybe I would be thin enough to deserve to dance with him too. But he was athlectic and thin, always in action, be it moving something for his dad's business or practicing a turn. I was more mental than physical. I wanted to excercise, I tried but it never really stuck. My mind was active, too active, but my body never followed suit.</p><p>So often I'd just spend my time daydreaming that I was some thin girl whom looked good alongside Joey.</p><p>Because, with the way I really was, if I ever was with Joey Picardo we wouldn't be like Prince Siegfried and Princess Odette from Swan Lake but would be far closer to Hyacinth Hippo and Ben Ali Gator from that Disney film Fantasia instead.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Dear Keanu;</p><p>Moving Day kind of answered a question for me. I always wanted to give you a "How Canadian" quiz are you. One of the questions was going to be throwing the word "Beachcombers" at you along with "Bruno Gerussi." Then, low and behold, I'm watching this on YouTube and there you are with Gerussi himself!</p><p>I still would like to give you that quiz though. Living out there in L.A. travelling the world...how much of that Toronto boy is still in there? If I told you that I made my father burst out laughing when I asked him why Gene Wilder was on the ten dollar bill, would you get it?</p><p>At the same time, I'm in Canada and am currently out of the loop, so my quiz would primarily be an eighties kind of deal and not a very good one at that. :/</p><p>I promised you some Christmas memories, now, didn't I? We'll spread 'em out a bit during the course of this story.</p><p>Since I mentioned my sis' teacher here, I'll reference the time she brought her parents over to the house one Christmas to meet my mom. They were from Germany and one of my earliest and fondest memories of Christmas is that her father sat down on the floor with me and played with the train set Santa had just brought. I love trains and we sat there putting the tracks together and letting it run over the floor and just having quiet fun.</p><p>He was nice with me. Not in the creepy way like her boyfriend was, but genuinely kind with the shy, fat little girl he was playing with.</p><p>I loved that memory for that reason.</p><p>Except, then I found out, years later, from my mother that he might have been a war criminal. His daughter, after he had died, found money in his bank account she could never explain.</p><p>The friend had said she couldn't look at my dad's WWII Nazi books lying around in case she saw her father in them.</p><p>Now I'm left wondering what to do with that memory. It hardly seems fair to think that his being nice to a fat, shy, child excuses his behavior to others. And yet, I don't know for sure. Do you know what to do, Keanu? I don't have a clue so it sits in my mind and confuses me.</p><p>There is a funny story the woman used to tell about her parents though. Their first Christmas in Toronto, they decided to go out for Turkey dinner on Christmas day. They got all dressed up and went out.</p><p>Only no place was open.</p><p>Other than the Salvation Army.</p><p>They were invited in and there they ate with the homeless and poor, the father his suit and the mother in her fur and pearls. But they both said afterwards that it was one of the nicest Christmases they had ever had and how nice everyone was to them.</p><p>Tonight I watched Rocky for the fifth billion time. It's our annual Boxing Day film. I love that film and today I just found out that Butkus is a bull mastiff! I never thought of it until I thought, hey!, and then quickly googled it.</p><p>Rocky proves to me, though, that the Oscars are kind of pointless. I mean, that year in the Best Actor category, you had Stallone for it, Robert De Niro for Taxi Driver and Giancarlo Giannini for Seven Beauties...how can you choose between those 3 performances? They were all beautiful. So it's kind of silly a bunch of people trying to choose the best when there *is* no best. There can only be different performances which all shine.</p><p>Except your performances will always mean the most to me, Keanu.</p><p>Much love,<br/>Erin<br/>XO XO<br/>:D &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Swans vs Hippos Round 2 (Day)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I attend the college close to where Joey is studying dance.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm altering the titles of the chapters to better suit the "Dance of the Hours" theme. </p><p>I think I'm gonna need an extra chapter. So that means this will be updated tomorrow and New Year's Day too, hopefully.</p><p>Which means the Year in Review will be posted sometime after that. The third and last anniversary for this series is on January 4th though so I guess it's fitting.</p><p>* Something went wrong with my phone. It did not recognize the SIM card. It's working right now. I am not giving up on this series. I was upset a few days ago but am not anymore. But if I go missing it's due to wonky technology and nothing else. I still love you, Keanu.  Nothing can change that. :D &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Years pass.</p><p>It's inevitable.</p><p>What's worse is that they often take the people you love away with them as they go.</p><p>Joey was one of them.</p><p>He finally got up the nerve to tell his dad that he wanted to be a ballet dancer, while helping this one woman move to Albuquerque. You know, the place that Bugs Bunny was always taking a wrong turn at? Well that sure was a wrong turn for me, I guess, because Joey went away to school. I spent a lot of time beating myself up about it because his life had took a turn for the better and I really should have been happy.</p><p>But, still, I missed looking out the window and catching sight of him doing the lawn, arguing with his dad or practising his rotations and steps.</p><p>It wasn't really a feeling that went away. When you love somebody, really <em>love</em> them, it's hard to let go. Joey Picardo was like the carpet beetle I'd seen in the rug he and his father had helped unfurl that day we had first moved in door next to them; my heart was the rug itself. He'd nestled himself in, all nice and cozy and no amount of moving would get him out of any warmth to be found there.</p><p>So, not being able to extract Joey from my heart, and longing for any offered glimpse stolen of him, I seized on the first chance that presented itself to be around the object of my affection again:</p><p>I went to the college closest to where Joey was studying his dancing.</p><p>* * *</p><p>"This is great," Joey said jovially, his arms loaded with two boxes as we climed the steps in the dormitory to my waiting room. "I don't know many people here. It will be nice to have someone from home."</p><p>I was about a foot behind him, allowing him the elbow room he needed, and trying not to fall even farther behind so I could look at his butt. The thing which kept me close to him was that I enjoyed Joey's face and smile even more than I liked his nice backside.</p><p>The young man added something under his breath but I couldn't quite hear it as I had to move behind my friend to allow two other girls to slip by. I received a better view of Joey's long back and heard the girls giggling behind me as they were probably enjoying the view also. Old pangs of jealousy hit,  but even these were nice too. I'd missed Joey Picardo so much that enduring the admiration of swans thrown his way was welcomed.</p><p>"What did you say?" I asked when I resumed my former position, thinking it might look rude if he had meant me to hear it, after all, and I didn't comment.</p><p>The dancer's cheeks turned red. "I said 'especially you,'" he repeated somewhat embarrassed.</p><p>His confession was made as we reached the top of the flight of stairs and I blushed then too, wanting to say that he was the reason I was there in the first place but stopped by the presence of more women in the process of moving in.</p><p>Joey brought me to my room and I opened the door after checkimg to make sure that it was the right one. It was empty, my roommate obviously having arrived from the boxes and clothing thrown about but, thankfully, not present.</p><p>"I guess, that's my bed," I said walking towards the one that bore a naked mattress as opposed to the already lavishly dressed one on the opposite side of the room. Whomever my roommate was, she had decided that, in my absence, she could pile her dresses and belongings on my bed.</p><p>"Are you sure?" Joey asked looking at the mess from over the boxes.</p><p>I looked back at the other bed. "Yeah," I muttered. "My sheets are cotton not silk."</p><p>Joey placed the boxes on the floor and then started to clear my mattress off, bringing the clothing and stuff to the other bed.</p><p>"Joey, that's very sweet but..." I started to say.</p><p>"But nothing," Picardo retaliated. "It's her junk. If dad taught me anything in the business, it was to make sure things got back to their rightful owner."</p><p>My bed was back to being bare as my new roommate walked in, Joey putting the last armful of her possessions on her space. She was a beautiful girl, possessing blonde hair that was cut to where her neck met her shoulders, was dressed in an outfit that looked like it had been stolen from Madonna's closet and had big hazel eyes; eyes she was using to check Joey Picardo out. She smiled upon seeing him and the dazzling thing that it was only faltered for a second as she saw what he had done to her bed.</p><p>She readorned the smile swiftly. "I didn't know we'd gone co-ed," she practically purred and offered him her hand. "I'm Tina Carson," she introduced.</p><p>"And I'm <em>not</em> your new roommate," Joey stated, turning to face her.</p><p>That was when a moment of recognition seemed to occur between them, one making Tina seem to smile all the more and Joey to look very uncomfortable. I started to fear that I had just met one of my crush's romantic entanglements and was forgotten about until Joey turned to look at me. His brown eyes suddenly looked larger in worry and this odd fear, like I was something he did not want to break, like the boxes he'd transport in his father's business, made me feel better...to be looked at as being precious to him in some way and fragile despite my weight, was wonderful.</p><p>"Erin's the one living here," he stated.</p><p>I kept my eyes on Joey's but could see Carson finally taking notice of me and almost laughing as she studied my cheap clothing, large size and unmade appearance. "Nice to meet you," she said in a tone that revealed that it was anything but.</p><p>"I gotta go," Joey said, almost rushing for the door and out of it.</p><p>"Joey!" I cried and ran after him, leaving my new roommate behind, smiling smugly.</p><p>I reached Picardo almost halfway down the hall and grabbed his arm. "Wait! You didn't even say goodbye!" I cried.</p><p>He stuck his hands inside of his pockets and looked at me sheepishly. "Well, I never like saying goodbye to you, Erin. Not when I left for college and not now. I thought we could skip it. I'll see you soon anyway."</p><p>My heart glowed once more but something was still bothering my overactive mind.</p><p>"Did you used to date her?" I asked trying to sound as if it was just a question and as unimportant to me as what the fifth ingredient used in a slice of Wonderbread was.</p><p>"No! Hell no!" Joey groaned in offense. "You think that's my taste?"</p><p>I thought of all of Joey's past steadies and couldn't see why she wouldn't be. "Well she's beautiful," I commented.</p><p>"Yeah and she knows it," the young man said. "I don't like stuck up princesses, Erin."</p><p>"How'd you know each other then?" I asked.</p><p>Joey looked as if he was upset I'd noticed that. "You see people around."</p><p>"At work?"</p><p>"At work."</p><p>I thought about it and realized I had no idea what my friend actually did to earn his extra income. "Where is that anyway?" I inquired, suddenly curious.</p><p>"Oh, just some place...you know where you have to do some...umm...moving. Pushing things around and shit like that."</p><p>He was turning red again and maybe I would have given it some more thought if he hadn't leaned forward suddenly and kissed me on the lips. It was quick. Something a friend could give a friend really.  But feeling his soft full lips kiss my much smaller ones made everything go flying out of my brain.</p><p>"As I said, I'll see you, Erin," Joey Picardo stated before turning and taking long strides towards the stairway.</p><p>I returned back to my dorm room only slightly frightened about having to face my new roomie alone. My finger was tracing my lips and I was smiling so brightly as I entered the room, even Tina seemed surprised by it. Walking to my bed, intending to make it for the first time, she watched me like I was an alien having crash landed onto her planet.</p><p>"So was that your boyfriend?" Tina asked, some sly smile on her face that I did not like.</p><p>"No. Well...he's a boy and he's my friend. I like him...but no."</p><p>"Oh..." she said and let some time pass in silence as I got out my sheets from one of the two boxes.</p><p>"Speaking of boys...There's a real good exotic dance show closeby," Tina commented. "Only the hottest male dancers around. I heard all about it from my sister. She even took me to it the last time I was here..."</p><p>"Is there?" I asked. I wasn't sure what to say. Watching guys stripping or dancing about half dressed had never been high on my hobby list. I loved men, was straight, but was only attracted to certain ones. Faces, voices were what attracted me and personalties. It had taken me until my teenage years to even accept the fact that men had nipples and it took a specific body shape to make me feel carnal towards it...like Joey's.</p><p>"I'll take you there sometime if you like," she offered.</p><p>"Um...I don't think so," I declined.</p><p>"Are you sure?" she prodded, turning to face me. "You might see something that you <em>like</em>."</p><p>"No," I declined politely.</p><p>"Suit yourself," she stated, looking far from convinced, that same smug smile playing about her lips.</p><p>* * *</p><p>I did see Joey often those first months before Christmas but never at work. He seemed tired a lot but also rejuvenated by his dance studies. It was obvious that he lived and breathed for the dance. I'd go and see him sometimes after his lessons or where they were practising for a recital and watch him in wonder that the teenage boy,  whom had helped me move in to my new house, had grown into such a gifted, graceful and beautiful dancer. My eyes were on him alone but they would have been anyway,  even if I had not known Joey Picardo personally. He was that good.</p><p>What I didn't like so much was the other dancers that Joey was around. Some were fine but many of the other men would look at me, with some cruel amusement in their eyes, whenever I came to talk to my friend. I soon hated going, dreading what they were thinking about me and possibly saying to me behind my back to Joey. He looked embarrassed sometimes when I was there. Not ashamed but self conscious and I thought it was because we looked so mismatched together, the athletic ballet dancer and his fat friend. I felt like a hippo again while he was an alligator.</p><p>When Christmas did finally roll around, Joey and I travelled back home in his pickup. It was a nice trip. We were so comfortable around one another, which was rare for me, considering my shyness.</p><p>He told me about the ballet they were practising for and its origins: The Dance of the Hours.</p><p>"It's from a story by Victor Hugo," he stated. "Taken from the Opera La Gioconda by Ponchielli."</p><p>"Sounds interesting," I remarked.</p><p>"Yeah. It's supposed to represent the different times of the day...It was only the ballet sequence but became the most popular aspect of it. So popular they used it in that Disney film. You know, the one with the classical music? Fantasia."</p><p>"Did they?" I squirmed in my seat.</p><p>He nodded his head, his eyes focused on the road. "The one with the ostriches abd elephants...the hippos and the alligators."</p><p>I inhaled deeply. "I remember that one," I remarked, turning to stare at the scenery passing by us. I exhaled just as deeply and looked down at my tummy, wishing I was a sexy ostrich.</p><p>"Dad took me to see that w6gen I was nine," Joey stated. "He laughed and laughed. I thought he'd bust a gut. Little did he know his son would be in it one day. That would have really sent him over."</p><p>"How is your dad?" I asked, changing the subject.</p><p>"Okay...he's coming up to see me perform someday. He's gonna stay at this nice bed and breakfast. I'm paying for it with my own earnings."</p><p>"Maybe he can go and help you at work," I said, smiling brightly at the handsome driver.</p><p>The remark made Joey almost swerve off the road and end up in the ditch. He soon righted the truck, however and we were back on the road. "Thought I saw a deer coming," he stated.</p><p>"A deer?" I repeated, having not seen anything remotely like one on the road.</p><p>"Musta been a <em>rein</em>deer," he commented and laughed nervously at his own joke. "And then it flew off."</p><p>I turned to look at the object of my affection and he suddenly seemed extremely tired. "You've been working too much," I said, reaching over to feel his forehead and feeling how it was covered in sweat. "I'm glad you finally have a break."</p><p>"Me too," Joey replied wearily. "Believe me, Erin, me too..."</p><p>* * *</p><p>At home again, I spent some time with my mom and sister, filling them in on what had been going on at college. Mom was worried, as usual. She kept saying I looked like I had lost weight. But my clothing, which were still at their usual tightness, confessed her words to be the ones of a doting mother. I knew that I'd have to be careful over the holidays to make sure I didn't go in the opposite direction but understood myself well enough to know it was a hopeless cause.</p><p>The tree hadn't been put up yet and I soon went to go ask Joey if he could help me bring up the ornament boxes from downstairs. The man looked grateful to get out of his father's house,  after only having been there for a few hours and soon we were back in the basement of my mom's place,  looking for the right boxes.</p><p>"Is this one of 'em?" Joey asked, kneeling before a large box.</p><p>"I think," I said, kneeling on the other side of it and opening it to see the famous golden string of garland. "Yep."</p><p>"Is it the same one?" Joey asked, holding it up. "The one you bought after your emancipation?"</p><p>"The very same," I said, running my fingers over its sparkling strands. I looked up to find Joey Picardo staring at me in a mixture of amusement and fondness.</p><p>"Remember that time you caught me practising down here around Christmas?" he asked.</p><p>"Yeah..." I answered shyly.</p><p>"I made you promise not to tell my dad because he would kill me?"</p><p>"Did I do well?"</p><p>Joey nodded. "Considering you were 15 and most people can't keep a secret, you did very well."</p><p>Our eyes held and locked for a few seconds before he quickly added, "And remember how your mom came to check on us because we were taking so long?"</p><p>"Yes," I said, feeling strange under his gaze.</p><p>"I felt like a pervert because I knew what she thought..." he reminisced, revealing that he had known her motivations all along.</p><p>"You didn't have to," I said. "I knew you'd never..."</p><p>"But I <em>wanted</em> to Erin," Joey Picardo interupted. "I really, badly wanted to. Never so much in my life had I ever wanted to kiss somebody. But you were too young."</p><p>My mouth fell open as my heart raced, both of us still kneeling with the box in between us. "Joey?" I stated.</p><p>"Yeah?" he asked, our eyes still holding our mutual stare.</p><p>"You were the only reason I chose to go to college," I confessed. "I wouldn't have gone any other way."</p><p>"You wouldn't have?" he said, breaking into his affable grin.</p><p>I nodded my head. "No, I wouldn't."</p><p>We stared at one another for even longer until my mom's voice suddenly could be heard again,  in an instant repeat of the past. "Is anything wrong?" she called out, just as worried as ever.</p><p>"You're eighteen now," Joey Picardo commented, ignoring her. "I can do this now if I want to."</p><p>He threw the garland around my neck and used it to pull me closer to him and into a sweet kiss, no sprig of mistletoe required.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Dear Keanu;</p><p>I realize something in my P.S. note yesterday didn't make much sense. Saying I hoped you were over any pain I might have caused then made no sense when I had just caused it. I can only hope 24 hours later it has gone. And if you are no longer here, I understand. I just hope you forgive me one day and can understand why I was upset too.</p><p>Anyway, I have some more Christmas stories to tell...</p><p>Before my parents divorced, Christmas morning was not surprisingly a very exciting moment for my sister and I. Unfortunately, it was also a surprisingly horrifying moment too. You see, our grandmother slept on the couch opposite to the fireplace. So while we rushed to see what Santa Claus had brought us, we would also try to avoid waking up the old woman in her underwear sleeping on the couch.</p><p>She'd always wake up. It is pointless to think one can unwrap a present without waking somebody up.</p><p>It wasn't the fact that she was in her underwear that was so bad though. It was the glaring. Her eyes would open, we'd turn our heads and find her staring at us both like, "Why would Santa Claus bring *you* presents? You could never be good little girls. Your mere existence means that you are bad."</p><p>It was the same on Birthdays. Tara and I both came to dread the song "Happy Birthday" because it always meant having to sit there and feel her angry stare once more; one that said that it wasn't a happy Birthday at all because we never really should have been born. We were proof that her precious and only son had actually had carnal relations with some woman.</p><p>In fact, our mother often related how her mom had to comfort that evil granny during the ceremony because she was wailing all during it.</p><p>And I must confess that it embarrasses me to no end that my mother also related often how during my infancy, whenever I was placed on evil granny's knee, I would endlessly pinch her boobs! :O</p><p>My dad also had a cat named Tom whom proved problematic one Christmas. My dad and this cat had a weird relationship actually. Daddy would lie on the couch and roll his head back and forth while Tom would pad his chest. Now cats will sometimes do that when they feed or mate.  I'm not sure what Tom thought he was doing with my father exactly. I don't ask. I only know that he'd also leave dead mice in the bottoms of my dad's PJ bottoms as presents occassionally.</p><p>Well, one Christmas Tom sprayed the presents under the tree. Not every present, mind you. He suspiciously didn't hit any of my dad's or grandmother's, just my mom's, sis', grandfather's and my own. Mom had to sit and rewrap the presents. Not to mention, wash them. By the time she came to this wooden calendar we'd bought for grandpa at school, she'd had enough. She just exchanged the gift tag off of granny's wrapped calendar with grandpa's and thought that was good enough.</p><p>One other Christmas, my dad was watching sports and then, for some reason, collided into the Christmas tree. He knocked it half over. It spent the rest of the season that way. I could never figure out why nobody ever tried to fix it. It looked like the leaning tower of piza in the living room. It bothered me whenever I saw it but everybody carried on like normal.</p><p>Then there was the time my sister and I were so happy we made presents for everyone. Problem was we used old toilet paper tolls, maxi pad boxes and stuff like that. When the adults opened them, we were so excited until they all fell apart and nobody knew what the hell they were supposed to be. Tara and I retreated to the bedroom in shell shocked humiliation.</p><p>I'm glad I get to mention those to you. When I was with Jordan, right before he did that horrible thing to me, I tried to say them for a Cubs contest about funny Christmas memories, where you could win something from Jake Arrieta. But I was on private and it wasn't seen. I kick myself over that. But then, if they had been, the chain of events might have been altered and I might not be your fan right now. That means far more to me...being your fan.</p><p>If you still want me to be that is.</p><p>Much love,<br/>Erin<br/>XO XO<br/>:D &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Swans vs Hippos Round 3 (Twilight)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Joey and I spend Christmas together before he's called back to work and things start to fall apart.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the kiss I'd always wanted; the only Christmas present I needed that year: Joey Picardo's lips on mine. We stayed that way for a few seconds, enjoying that first prolonged taste of each other until we parted and I started to smile large enough to just about split my face in two and to also giggle.</p><p>"What?" Joey asked, breaking into a smile too. "Do I have bad breath or something? Dad fixed lunch not me."</p><p>"No," I said. "I'm just giddy. Getting your wish to come true can do that to a girl."</p><p>"ARE YOU TWO <em>OKAY</em> DOWN THERE?" Mom shouted out and I didn't know about Joey, but after that kiss I was feeling perfectly wonderful <em>"down there."</em></p><p>Joey was about to shout out something but I stopped him. "WE'RE OKAY MOM! WE'VE JUST BEEN GONE TOO LONG TO REMEMBER WHERE THINGS ARE!"</p><p>"Why won't you let me tell her?" Joey asked in confusion.</p><p>"Because I'm shy," I replied truthfully. "Even when something great like this happens to me...I get <em>shy</em>. It's automatic. I know mom and Tara will think of us kissing down here and then they'll start to thinking...thinking...we're..."</p><p>The man touched my cheek, which was deepening to a rosy pink affectionately and then stole another kiss.</p><p>I took the rest of the garland from out of his hand and placed it around his neck so we were linked together. I then kissed him back again.</p><p>"Now <em>I'm</em> thinking about it," Joey said, trying to hold me to him, forgetting about the box between us in the process. His knee pressed down on it and we heard the sound of an ornament breaking.</p><p>"Sorry," he said and looked apologetic.</p><p>"Don't be," I stated, kissing him again. "But we should get back upstairs before there are any more casualties."</p><p>Joey nodded in agreement, kissed me one more time and then quickly found the other boxes we were looking for and brought them upstairs.</p><p>* * *</p><p>What followed was a wonderfully blissful Christmas. I spent it with my sister and mother but also with Joey too.</p><p>And even sometimes with Harry Picardo.</p><p>He looked me in the eye once as I was sitting at the Picardo kitchen table, coming over on the pretense of giving him a Christmas card, having ordered his son to go and get him the card he had saved for the Smyths that was in the desk drawyer in his bedroom. Joey had just rolled his eyes and then run off.</p><p>"So how do you like college, Erin?" Harry had asked.</p><p>"Fine," I had replied.</p><p>He nodded, a movement which did not effect the cap sitting on his head one bit, or the knowing little twinkle in his eye. "It seems to me, if you want to write, you don't need to go to school to learn how to."</p><p>"My grammar isn't great," I threw out my defense.</p><p>"And has it improved?"</p><p>I shook my head. Nobody had ever been able to make me peacefully coexist with a semi colon.</p><p>"But has the view been nice?" Harry asked. "Did you find something in that well to do city you suddenly flew off to? Something that you might have lost once?"</p><p>"Yes," I replied, meeting his eyes with a happy sort of braveness.</p><p>"Good, good," Mr. Picardo said. "Well, then, maybe if you could do an old fool a favor, you wouldn't mind..."</p><p>"If at all possible," I stated.</p><p>"If you ever find out what my son is doing up there, please let me know. I keep asking but he won't damn well tell me."</p><p>I nodded as Joey came in and handed me the card, our fingertips touching in the process. We smiled at one another and Harry saw it all, looking at us with pleased approval.</p><p>I spent a lot of the Christmas holidays locked at the lips with his son. This he was not allowed to see,nor did I flaunt it in front of my mother and sister.</p><p>However, whenever Joey wanted to move on to another base (something both of our bodies seemed eager for,) I stopped him; I was shy and nervous and, sensing it, he took it gently with me.</p><p>I couldn't find the courage to tell him that I was terrified of him seeing my body. There he was sublimely perfect while I had handles he could hold me by if he wanted and a tummy it still embarrassed me when it bumped into his when we were kissing.</p><p>What bothered me too was the fact of what other people would think when they saw us together as a couple. I couldn't stand them pitying him or thinking he had gone nuts for being with a chubby girl when he could have his choice of any thin model that he wanted. I feared them picturing us kissing, or doing more, and ultimately thinking it was gross. It didn't <em>feel</em> gross and Joey gave no indication that he found it repulsive. The urgency of his touch and kiss reassured me.</p><p>Still, I felt like I didn't belong in his arms. I felt like every kiss or caress was stolen from a girl like Tina Carson.</p><p>And stolen from Joey too.</p><p>He deserved so much better than Hyacinth Hippo, I lamented whenever neither his hands or lips were on me.</p><p>* * *</p><p>On the 28th, Joey showed up at the door, looking rather upset. "Erin, I gotta go back to the city."</p><p>"Why? What happened?" I asked.</p><p>"My boss says I have to be back to work by New Year's Eve."</p><p>"What would make you work then?" I asked, confused. Most businesses and people put things off until after the New Year.</p><p>Picardo looked uncomfortable, his hands buried in his back pocket. He avoided meeting my eyes. "It's just a freak thing," he said, freeing a hand to ruffle his hair. "A guy called in sick. They need me. Did you want to come back with me or get another drive into the city?"</p><p>I inhaled deeply and looked back into the house. It was basically a decision between staying with my family to ring in the New Year or spending it with the man I loved. I thought about how my mom and sister had each other and then thought of Joey mostly on his own in the city. Then I remembered our first big kiss in the basement and became hungry for more.</p><p>"I'll go with you," I said, hugging him. "I want my New Year's kiss."</p><p>* * *</p><p>The drive back to the city was still somewhat comfortable but I sensed something was wrong. Joey wasn't as talkative as usual and seemed somewhat jittery.</p><p>"Keep an eye out for reindeers," I joked once when he seemed preoccupied.</p><p>"What?" he asked, taking the fingernail he had been chewing on out of his mouth.</p><p>"Reindeers? Like the one you supposedly saw on the drive home?"</p><p>"Oh yeah."</p><p>I remembered Harry's earlier mission to try to discover his son's secret job and saw an opportunity. "Maybe I can come over to where you're working and help out."</p><p>He looked at me, his eyes wide in something close to fear. "I don't think that's a good idea, Erin. Um...girl's aren't...well for what I do a woman wouldn't be what they're after."</p><p>I frowned and looked at him. "Is anything wrong?" I questioned, using the one my mother usually posed from the top of the stairs.</p><p>"Yeah, I just don't like working," he groaned.</p><p>He looked sincere, though, a thought suddenly flashed across my mind that the boy might be lying about needing to go back in order to get away from me. For all of his attempts to go further, he hadn't tried too hard. Maybe the more we had made out he had started to feel that he should be with a swan instead of a hippo too.</p><p>"Nobody really does," I remarked. "Not when its something you don't enjoy doing. It's better when you enjoy it. Like when I write..."</p><p>"Or when I dance," Joey stated and looked out at the road as he then added. "<em>Really</em> dance..."</p><p>He sounded so sad, I placed my hand on his shoulder and rubbed it.</p><p>Joey turned to look at me again, less frightened but guilt evident in his brown eyes. "Thank you," he whispered and although I smiled, that nagging little voice inside of my head wondered if the negative emotion was there because he suddenly wanted to <em>dance</em> away from a relationship with me, one fueled primarily by nostalgia and home.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Back at the dormitory, I discovered, to my displeasure that Tina had returned as we'll. "The conditions for skiing were off," I heard her complaining to somone on the cell phone she'd apparently been given for Christmas. "So I decided to leave early. But it doesn't matter...I heard the Den of Wolves is planning a big party...so me and a bunch of the other girls stuck here are planning to go together. We're bringing all the cash you can stuff in a G-String."</p><p>I cringed at her words, grateful that I was so far below her radar I hadn't been included in her New Year's Eve plans. I might not get my kiss at midnight while Joey was off working but I could meet him as soon as possible afterwards, at least.</p><p>However, when my roommate hung up, she shocked me by inviting me after all. </p><p>I turned to look at her in surprise. "No...Thanks though."</p><p>"Plans with Joey?" she asked, after a slight nod.</p><p>"No, he's working," I informed.</p><p>"I bet," she stated in a strange tone. "Well, if you change your mind."</p><p>"Thanks," I said again, knowing that I wouldn't be, despite her sudden veering towards apparent kindness. Unless Joey Picardo was up there on the stage, I had absolutely no interest in seeing some guy shaking his business.</p><p>* * *</p><p>At around twilight on the thirtieth, I decided to go and meet Joey at the recital hall reserved for the production of the Dance of the Hours. Just as Tina had returned early, it turned out a few of the people in my sweetheart's class had returned too. Serious as they were about their craft, they had decided to rehearse, something Joey was excited to do also.</p><p>He'd been acting even more strangely since we had returned and I didn't like feeling my fear intensifying that our relationship had been a neat trick to help him spend his weekend. I wanted to surprise Joey by coming to the hall and taking him out to supper, my treat, even though I still was nervous about encountering around his peers.</p><p>As I walked into the building, I made my way to the hall and eventually sat down in the back row, under shadows to avoid being spotted early and spoiling the surprise.</p><p>"So you haven't <em>told</em> her?" one of the dancers, a blond man with close cropped hair, asked in a voice which was supremely cold.</p><p>"No," Joey spat, obviously upset.</p><p>"Afraid she'll take a heart attack?" another man asked. "With her size she might. Fatties gotta worry about stuff like that."</p><p>"STOP IT!" Picardo shouted and I suddenly realized who they were talking about.</p><p>"Rather defensive of a hippo, aren't we?" the first dancer said and the single girl on the stage began to giggle wildly while my stomach sank.</p><p>Seeing her reaction to his remark, the blond grabbed a back pack, round and full to the side of the stage and tied it around the girl's stomach so it looked like she had a belly.</p><p>"Why don't you ask <em>her</em> to perform the dance with you then?" the cruel dancer stated, spinning the ballerina made to look bloated in the stomach. They danced together, the woman in mock clumsiness and the man acting as if he were struggling with her weight. It was quite the performance in it's way. I could admire their skill while still feeling gutted. Tears began to flood my eyes, seeing before me laid out in exposed and unrelenting mean spirit what Joey's colleagues thought of us together. "She could be your Hyacinth and you could be her Ben Ali Gator," the man laughed. "And then, afterwards, you can take her to the..."</p><p>"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Joey Picardo screamed, losing his cool.</p><p>It wasn't a common thing to see the man upset. Everyone stopped and stared at him and it allowed me to out of the hall crying without being noticed.</p><p>All the way back to the dorm, all I could think of was the two dancers crudely imitating the odd couple from a Disney ballet and Joey's obvious anger. To have made Joey lose his cool like that, I understood that they must have really riled him. Focused on my own insecurities, I could only imagine that it was in relation to the man's shame over having an overweight girlfriend and the truth of the ugly picture they had painted for him.</p><p>* * *</p><p>That night, Joey called the dorm. I went to the phone in the hallway, my eyes bloodshot from having spent every second practically crying since I had arrived back.</p><p>"Erin," the man said.</p><p>"Yeah," I replied, feeling dead.</p><p>"I think we should probably wait to see each other until after I've finished practising for 'The Dance of the Hours' okay?"</p><p>I choked back a sob, thinking that the man had let his friends pressure him into trying to worm out of our relationship.</p><p>"Okay," I said, feeling my heart breaking. "Maybe we should make it even longer," I added, trying to make my voice sound like the steel in a ballet bar. "Look it was a nice holiday but its over, right? You're back with your friends...let's just admit it, I don't <em>fit</em> in. I never will."</p><p>"Erin? I..."</p><p>Wanting the pain to be over with as quickly as possible, I slammed the phone down. Joey Picardo's guilt was not what I wanted now. It couldn't mend my heart. He'd taken pity on the fat girl next door and it had been wonderful for a few days. But that was about as far as it went. Crying, I ran away from the phone, bumping into Tina on the way, and trying to pretend that I didn't hear the phone starting to ring behind me again.</p><p>No doubt, the man I loved trying to offer excuses on why he'd finally realized that dancing through life with a swan was far better than partnering with a  hippopotamus like me.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Dear Keanu;</p><p>It's fitting, in a way, that this story features Christmas and a character of yours called Joey.</p><p>My Secret Santa in fourth grade was a boy called Joey. He had a bit of your coloring actually: dark hair, brown eyes.</p><p>I always wondered if he really picked my name out of the bowl or if he traded whom he really got for mine with some other classmate. You see, I always knew that Joey had a crush on me. It was evident in the way he acted. He was a bit of a bad boy, not a bully, but he became softer around me, more quiet. I could sense it and it made me embarrassed because I didn't like him back in that way.</p><p>Although, not enough to make me not take the discount Joey offered me on these cute little wooden things he had made and was selling. :/ </p><p>The weeks before Christmas I had spent hoping that my Santa that year would be that son of a bitch Jordan. Jordan had red hair, blue eyes and freckles. I had fantasized about it often, getting a gift from him. </p><p>But the last day of school before the holidays, I had caught a bad cold and had to stay home. Joey came to the door and gave the gift he had bought for me to my dad or mom. Mom brought it in to me and I felt disappointed and that uncomfortable feeling again looking at the gift tag with his name: J-O-E-Y.</p><p>The name of what was soon to become one of my favorite songs.</p><p>The gifts turned out to be two Christmas activity books. One was blue and had a toy soldier on it. The other was red and I can't remember what was on the cover. I did a few puzzles, but everytime I did I felt weird and guilty so I came to avoid looking at them.</p><p>Now, I wish I hadn't. </p><p>Joey was nice and he liked me. Jordan was mean and I don't know how he felt about anyone actually.</p><p>I don't know why we always fall in love with people whom can't love us back. I think that's why there are so few happy endings when it comes to love. Of two people in a relationship, one always seems to care a little bit more than the other; one offers their complete heart while the other half is less involved, keeping their eye open for the person they'll love more instead.</p><p>Love seems horribly unequal. It isn't balanced so nobody is satisfied and someone's heart eventually is broken.</p><p>I sometimes wonder if Adam and Eve even loved one another. Yeah, I'm still going there. God didn't even make them love Him. I believe in free will being important to Him; it's important to me too. It's the same reason why I hate the idea of a love potion and the whole story of Isolde and Tristan. </p><p>I think old Adam and Eve were most likely just thrown together. No love at the start, other than the seeing of themselves in the other.</p><p>That lack of love, love for something separate, probably helped to cause their fall. Could Eve have offered Adam a potential downfall if she loved him? Would Adam have blatantly blamed Eve, when accused, if he had truly loved her back? I don't think so. If they had truly been in love they probably would have been saved. Love covers a multitude of sins, possibly even the original one.</p><p>If either Adam or Eve had loved God I believe He might have forgiven them too.</p><p>Did they love each other after the fall then, that first pair of lovers? Or did they only end up building on their hate?</p><p>So, then I start to wonder whom were the first lovers to love each other equally? I guess they were forgotten about if they did exist. Buried under time. But it probably didn't matter to them. They had each other what would they need with us anyway?</p><p>Happy New Year, Keanu. I wish I could kiss you when the clock strikes twelve.</p><p>Much love,<br/>Erin<br/>XO XO<br/>:D &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Swans vs Hippos Round 4 (Night)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My heart broken, Tina and her friends amuse themselves on New Year's Eve by showing me what Joey's job exactly is. However, the year ends and begins on a much better note then I ever could have expected!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy New Year Keanu and everyone!</p><p>Here's the last chapter. Once again, I think it's rather sweet but I'm biased.</p><p>Guess what the last movie I watched in 1994 was? It involved a speeding bus. I'd told my sister that summer, while my mom was driving on the Queensway, that I wanted to see Speed. So that was our New Year's Eve movie that year. Only we couldn't watch it with the sound up. You see, January 31st was on a Sunday that year so we saw Speed for the very first time with the sound down because we didn't like hearing profanity on a Sunday.</p><p>We still don't infact.</p><p>But don't worry, I have seen the film many times since and always with the volume up! ;D &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I spent most of the night crying and was determined not to leave my bed for the whole of the thirty-first. To hell with ushering in the New Year, I thought. It would probably just look an awful lot like the last one, anyway, and all that one had done was fooled me into thinking it was great. Classes did not start for a few days and I comforted myself that I could just lie in bed until then, trying not to think of Joey Picardo, which had always been a task I had failed miserably at.</p><p>Unfortunately, my roommate had another idea.</p><p>"Men are such scum," Tina mused, folding the articles of clothing she had gotten over Christmas and preparing to place them away safely, so as to avoid wrinkling them. "You probably haven't been around enough of them to find that out. Your problem is that you're inexperienced and still delusional."</p><p>I wanted to pipe up from the mountains of blankets I was lying under that my real problem was that I wasn't a swan like she was. Joey had always seemed perfectly decent, so the problem had to be with me, I reasoned.</p><p>"You have to use them first and then throw them away," she continued. "Beat them to the chase. That's what my mother has done for most of her life. I'm already on stepfather number five and, at least, I can say that I got a new fur coat out of it before number six comes along."</p><p>Her talk was so casual. Like having had that many men coming and going in her life was perfectly normal. I found myself realizing that there really hadn't been much of a chance for Tina Carson when the people in her life thought that her needs consisted only of how high the price tag was it was hard for her to see anyone else as anything but a commodity.</p><p>That she was even trying to comfort me seemed like a belated Christmas miracle.</p><p>Maybe this was why I foolishly hoped she was telling the truth when she said, "Me and the girls have decided to skip The Den of Wolves. I told them about my roomie's <em>guy</em> trouble and they're sick of men...they don't want to see another one. At least, not until the new year."</p><p>"Why? Will they be different then?" I asked.</p><p>She started to laugh. "You really are too much. You should join us...I told them you would be,  if that was okay. They're dying to try to help you out."</p><p>I frowned from under my covers. She'd done me in with that one. I hated to disappoint people, especially when they seemed to care. Still, I wanted to stay in bed and just mourn my loss. "That's nice but..."</p><p>"They will be really <em>hurt</em> if you say no."</p><p>Augh, I thought. Knowing that these were also girls that I encountered often on campus didn't help. If I had to bump into them aware that I had let them down I was looking at a constant barrage of twinges of guilt. "Okay...but are we going somewhere quiet? I don't feel like going to a party."</p><p>"Oh no! <em>No</em>!" Tina said, turning to face me and placing a hand over her heart. "No parties. Just some place for a little girl talk. Maybe we can help you see what Joey Picardo <em>really</em> is..."</p><p>* * *</p><p>New Year's Eve night, Tina and a group consisting of six of her cronies pushed me inside of the limo they had rented. I sat down, (almost against my free will at that point, seeing how boistetous they were and far from sympathetic or comforting) and was flanked by Tina and one other girl, whom was holding a big white toque in her hands.</p><p>We drove for a while, the friends all tittering until Tina shared a suspicious little glance with the woman to my left.</p><p>"This is a hat my boyfriend got me," the red headed arts major called Denise stated, following that look. "I wanted the silk scarf that was sitting next to it, but, of course, he got the instructions all mixed up. I don't like this...maybe you should try it on. It would better suit your mousy brown hair."</p><p>I didn't like her choice of adjective nor did I like when she pushed it down over my head. "There," Brenda stated. "Much better. Wait...maybe even down further, over your ghastly eyebrows."</p><p>"Hey!" I cried out, as she placed it too far over my eyes for me to see anything anymore.</p><p>I was about to lift it off when Tina grabbed my right hand while Denise's grip rested around the one closest to her. "Tsk tsk, Erin," my roommate chastised. "You really need to do something about these nails. Maybe we could do them for you."</p><p>"I can't...nail polish makes me feel claustrophobic," I argued, trying unsucessfully to break free.</p><p>"Or give you the name of a good manicurist," another girl stated.</p><p>"Oh she can't afford a <em>good</em> one," Tina remarked. "She's here on a piddly little scholarship. Didn't you know?"</p><p>The car stopped abruptly and the girls all laughed as loud music, mooted somewhat by the walls of a building, surrounded us.</p><p>"That sounds like a party!" I exclaimed and tried harder to break free.</p><p>"No, it's not," Pamela, a girl close to my weight, but cold enough to be viewed as worth something denied. "It's just that <em>everything</em> sounds like a party tonight."</p><p>"I can't see!" I cried as I was pulled and pushed out of the car.</p><p>"You can't?" Denise said, mockingly. "Well there's nothing to see yet. Wait until you get inside."</p><p>"It will be a real eye <em>opening</em> experience," Tina said with a laugh that was sharp enough to pierce through the bass and drums.</p><p>I was pushed through a crowd, struggling still.  Meanwhile, Tina and her friends were having the greatest time at my expense as they brought me into what I knew was inevitably the Den of Wolves. The music and the calls from the female crowd told me this even while I remained blind as a bat, the toque still covering my eyes. My sympathy for Tina and how she had become the person she was didn't change the same fact that she <em>was</em> what she was: someone whom viewed others as sources for her own entertainment and little else.</p><p>"NO!" I cried out, trying to earn someone's attention and the chance for help. But everything was too loud; the music and the cries directed at the men or the man on the stage were so defeaning my own shout was lost amongst them.</p><p>I was suddenly thrown forward, the hat ripped off from my head. My eyes opened instinctively and saw only darkness, lights and moving forms. I went to move away, but realizing this was my next move, Tina and Pamela came to hold me in place, pushing my head up towards the stage. My eyes focused and I blinked as everything came clearer and the five dancers gyrating on the stage went from flesh colored blurs to the men wearing only G-Strings and Masks that they were.</p><p>I sobbed a little, it still not being the sort of thing I liked and it having been forced on me.</p><p>The men were all wearing masks of dragons, which I assumed was in honor of the Chinese New Year and hadn't even happened yet. Not that the women in the audience gave a damn; they were eyeing the men's mostly naked bodies, glistening with either sweat or oil, as if they were all of their fantasies come true, glistening on the stage, showing off for them.</p><p>"No," I cried again, more of a whimper.</p><p>I squirmed in the mean girls hold, trying to free myself until my eyes centered on one of the dancers. He was tall, strong and long bodied; not high toned and muscled but still muscular and masculine. He was wearing a mask of an oriental dragon, done in scarlet and gold, one which covered most of his head. His body and natural dancer's grace caught my attention and I relaxed in the girl's hold, captivated for I liked the way he looked. My eyes went over his body several times, even stopping to rest on the bulge that the small bit of cloth at his groin was covering. I felt my body responding to it with and against my will if that was even possible.</p><p>I watched him move, hypnotized, aware of the other women's admiring gazes also.</p><p>Tina and Pamela let go of me abruptly, although I didn't know why, and I found my feet taking me closer to the stage, like someone charmed. Everything about him called to me, from his physique to the way he moved.</p><p>There was something about the dancer that was also strangely familiar.</p><p>At the front of the stage, I stopped to stare closer, my eyes still studying the stranger and wishing that I could see his face.</p><p>The man turned and saw me and our eyes suddenly locked, which caused a blush to spread across my face. The man's expression was imposdible to read as he gazed at me, but his movement halted before he took center stage and eventually began to dance again. It was almost as if his performance was just for me this time and I told myself that he had only marked me as an easy target to try to coax away from any money she might have. But while I continued to stare at his body, attracted incredibly, I couldn't offer him any payment and my stare was continued primarily just because I still felt oddly connected to the man. Otherwise, I wouldn't have continued looking, knowing that no matter how pleasantly my body was tingling in arousal my heart still belonged to Joey Picardo.</p><p>That was when it hit me. I had often witnessed this dancer from the widows of my house when it had been far more clothed.</p><p>"Joey..." I was in the process of saying as the man was taking his mask off at the same time.</p><p>He was glaring down at me from up on the stage, holding his mask but no longer dancing. Instead, he let the others continue on without him. He looked very angry at me, his nostrils flaring and I looked down in shame, only to look up again as I saw money being thrown on stage at him, in the hope that he would start shaking what he had again. Joey was looking guilty now and embarrassed while I saw the women showing their praise in cash and coins.</p><p>I started to cry and Joey's face softened as he saw my quivering lip.</p><p>"Erin," he said, his words stolen by catcalls and I turned to run away.</p><p>Only seeing the gang of girls I'd come with all laughing at my realization, I ran for the back of the club and hopefully the exit there.</p><p>The crowd allowed me fairly easy passage and I was soon running out into the cold night air, leaving both the exotic dance show and its enthusiastic audience behind. Tears were blurring my vision and the noise was still loud enough so that I didn't hear the door opening again. I didn't expect to feel arms suddenly wrap around my large middle and pull me backwards.</p><p>"No! Let me go!" I cried and struggled only to hear Joey Picardo shout, "ERIN, STOP IT!"</p><p>I relaxed in his arms but was still crying while I let him bring me over to a box in the alleyway. When he sat me down, I realized for the first time that he had pursued me wearing only the G-string and I felt turned on again.</p><p>"You're an exotic dancer?" I sniffed, wiping my nose on my jacket's sleeve. "That's why you couldn't tell your dad or me. Well...I guess you were honest, though. You sure were moving and pushing it up there."</p><p>Joey swallowed and stared at me. "I'm not proud of it but...there were no other jobs here. Well...nothing that paid so well. I couldn't ask Dad for more money. He's already breaking his back with me gone and all."</p><p>We were silent for a while, the night wind blowing coldly. I moved over seeing the man shivering and patted the side of the box beside me. "Here," I offered.</p><p>"Thanks," Joey said sitting down next to me. I removed my coat and placed it over his shoulders. I then decided to hold him to me to offer him some extra warmth. It was selfish really. I didn't want him to go back inside undressed like that, only to be further oogled by the crowd.</p><p>"I...I don't like the thought...the thought of those women looking at you like this..." I said, pressing my cheek into his chest, inbetween his nipples which didn't strike me as weird but rather as sexy.</p><p>"And I didn't like you looking at some other guy like you were doing," he countered.</p><p>"But that guy was <em>you</em>," I defended.</p><p>"Yeah, but you didn't <em>know</em> it then did you?"</p><p>"No," I said guiltily, nuzzling my face into his warming skin.</p><p>"Well, I didn't like it and I also don't like those girls looking at me, Erin. That's why I told the boss I quit. The only problem was he wouldn't let me go until the end of the month..."</p><p>"After the Dance of the Hours performance," I finished.</p><p>"Right. I couldn't stand lying to you all that time. I felt guilty. So I thought I'd put us on hold until I could sort it out and just be with you...not with a room full of estrogen that only sees me as a piece of meat."</p><p>"But I was afraid you didn't want to be with me," I said. "You always held back when..."</p><p>Joey rubbed my upperarm lovingly. "Erin, I want to. Believe me, I <em>want</em> to. Just sometimes I still see you as that scared little girl holding on to her bunny doll. And you seemed so frightened whenever I tried to move beyond kissinv. I don't want to hurt you."</p><p>"You can't hurt me," I said, quickly kissing his naked chest. "I want to...I'm just terrified of..."</p><p>"Of what it will feel like?" Joey hazarded a guess.</p><p>"I'm scared of you seeing me. <em>More</em> of me."</p><p>"Really?" he asked in shock.</p><p>"Yes," I confirmed. "I'm a big girl. I heard your friends making fun of me yesterday..."</p><p>"They <em>aren't</em> my friends," Joey laughed bitterly. "They'd stab anyone in the back for the spotlight, Erin. I thought dancing would be less competitive than sports but I was wrong. So did you leave early?"</p><p>"Un huh."</p><p>"You should have stayed to see what I did to them," Joey said, proudly. "They aren't going to be wanting any spotlight on them anytime soon, not with the bruises."</p><p>I looked up at him, confused. "But you seemed so embarrassed."</p><p>"Well, they'd been threatening me about telling you I worked here," Joey explained, gazing down. "I didn't want you to find out and hate me."</p><p>"I could never hate you," I said. "But they were right, Joey. You deserve a swan...not a fat hippopotamus like me. You're a prince..."</p><p>Joey Picardo smiled as he realized further what had been troubling me. "Have you been thinking of yourself as Hyacinth Hippo and me as Ben Ali Gator, Erin Smyth?"</p><p>I nodded.</p><p>He grinned affectionately. "Erin...Swan Lake ends with Prince Seigfried being unfaithful to his Odette and a big wave coming and killing them both."</p><p>"It does?" I asked in shock, never having seen it.</p><p>He nodded. "Hyacinth and Ben get to live happily ever after together. No cheating, no waves...just each other. That sounds great to me."</p><p>"Me too," I said snuggling closer to him.</p><p>We cuddled for a few seconds in silence.</p><p>"Besides that hippo gave me my first woody," Joey declared happily. "When she came out of the water, that was sexy. I had to hide the hard on from my dad with a bucket of popcorn."</p><p>My jealousy flaring up again, I mused, "Hmmmm...your dad wanted me to find out what your new profession was. Maybe I should tell him..."</p><p>"You wouldn't dare," my sweetheart stated. "Dad would kill me."</p><p>"Well," I said coyly. "There are ways to preoccupy my mouth."</p><p>"Oh, are there?" Joey asked slyly.</p><p>I smiled up at him as the sounds of the New Year being counted down greeted us. As the cry of "ONE!" was shouted out, Joey's lips met mine and I felt like my misgivings about the new year had all been as false as my insecurities over whether the man I loved preferred swans or hippos.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Dear Keanu;</p><p>This year, I actually was very happy with the gift my overseas relatives sent. It was a pretty brooch of a bird. </p><p>Which leads me to the last Christmas memory for the season...</p><p>I remember very well this one event that happened the first Christmas after my parents had separated. It might as well have happened yesterday even though three decades have passed.</p><p>My mom, sister and I had moved in with my grandfather. Us three girls shared the largest bedroom together because it isn't really the largest of houses. Just a one floor bungalow.</p><p>It was the dead of night and I had to use the bathroom so I crept up, past where my sister was sleeping, and I left the bedroom. Along the way, I saw that Santa had come. Even though by then I had started to figure out the truth. It was something I had fought hard against but it was slowly being accepted inside of my eleven year old mind. </p><p>But, at least, there was no granny in her underwear lying on the couch that year, so there was that.</p><p>My mom came out and she asked me if I wanted to open something. She was as excited as I was, while Tara was still fast asleep. I sat on the couch and my mom sat beside me and it all looked so pretty. The Christmas tree, our first and last real one, was dressed with the gold garland I had bought for it and the lights were on. I always love the way Christmas tree lights look when you half close your eyes. How they catch on your lashes and shoot out like stars all bright and sparkling.</p><p>I chose one gift from out of my stocking and mom watched me in excitement by my side. I remember how happy she was as I opened it to find a necklace with a pretty orange jewel on the gold chain. Her face was bright with joy and I knew that she had given it to me and not Santa. But that meant so much more to me after so much pain: her happiness, her love for me.</p><p>I don't have the necklace anymore. I don't know...so many things get lost overtime and I've never been all that much into jewelry. But I still treasure that memory. I think I might have mentioned this before, but following her death, shortly after Christmas a few years ago, I looked at the presents we had given her and was reminded about how you can't take it with you. It's all left behind. What you do take with you are the feelings and memories. Those are what matters: the things kept in the heart so you always know where they are. </p><p>Whenever I need to, I think of my mom and I sitting on that couch and I'm right back there. It might as well have been this Christmas and not 30 years ago.</p><p>I hope you had a good Christmas, Keanu. And I hope you're 2021 will be even better. And may everything you love always be inside of your heart too.</p><p>Much love,<br/>Erin<br/>XO XO<br/>:D &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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